I Will NOT Make a GoGo’s Reference.

In Uncategorized on November 5, 2010 at 9:02 pm

I’m too broke to go anywhere!

Yep, it’s awesome.  I have vacation throughout the entirety of the next week.  Starting today, I have nine days in a row of ontologically NOT work.  And it should be amazing.  It should be fantastic.  I should be leaking happy out my pores!

I should be.  But there is a hitch in the giddy-up.  Basically, this is a work mandated vacation.  See, I didn’t take enough days during the year, and I had a whole bunch left over, but, I can’t use them later on in the month or around the holidays, because that’s the busy season, and no one gets to take vacation then.  So I have to take vacation now, or else never shall I take vacation.  And those days will be lost into a Stygian pit of despair, never to be used.  A repository of potential energy made up of fun and free time that will, instead, languish, forgotten; swirling in the afterbirth of sorrow for all time.

And I don’t want to do that to them.

So, thanks to the fact that I have no money – at all – I get to take a Stay-cation, in the rainy, grey bowels of November.  My goal for these next nine days, is to take those nearly forgotten vacation days, and help them, without summer sun, or far away vistas, live up to their potential of awesome.  And ya’ll can help!

(If you came here looking for the funny entry, rather than the weird, I’m planning my vacation online entry, click here.)

Okay, you’ve clicked this far.  You are now an accomplice to my crimes against lame.

See here’s the thing.  I know what will be tempting me.  I know the devil’s song that will play upon my ear throughout the next few days.  My bed will look so inviting, and my PJ’s will be right there, and Netflix will whisper softly upon my ear, “There are so many things in my queue.  So very very many.  You haven’t even finished watching the second season of Eureka!  And wouldn’t you like to rewatch Buffy from beginning to end?  You know you can. You can have a three day marathon, and watch the entire thing.  Wouldn’t that be fantastic?  Oh my god, you’re just like Xander.  You are!  Do the snoopy dance!  Come on, do it!”

Dude, Netflix I have the DVD’s!  Wait.  I’d have to change the disc every four hours.  You’re a genius Netflix!

I WILL fall into that.  And I will come back to my desk, in my office, and people will ask, what did you do on your vacation, and I will shout from my glaze of blah, “I am sick of being everyone’s butt monkey.”  And then HR will have to get involved.  And it’ll be a thing.  And I’ll find myself on perminent Stay-cation. I mean, just a week without you, and I thought that I’d forget.  Two weeks without you and I still haven’t gotten…

No.  No…

I’m not going there.

Point is, we cannot let this happen!

I have forever stated that the best thing about New York was that there was something insane and fantastic going on every day, every hour.  And this week I intend to prove that theory right.

I have set up a bunch of goals for this week, and I’m putting all this up here, so ya’ll can keep me on task.  Here we go…

Absolutely no Netflix, or video games, or DVD’s, or even one syndicated episode of Friends. My Xbox will sit dormant for the next nine days.  I’m not spending my vacation slowly sinking into my couch watching a marathon of Ninja Warrior.

Instead I will split my time between having the most productive stay-cation ever, and having the most ass-crazy stay-cation ever.

During the usual work hours, I will do one of the following things:

I will add to the dangling remains of the novel I started writing.  I got twenty six pages in, and left them stranded there, shivering in the cold.  No more.  It’s NaNoWriMo, fuckers.  I’m going to get my word count up into the Ludicrous level.  Like a fantasy novel written by Proust.

I’ll work on the radio play I’ve been kicking around forever.  There are rewrites, and future episodes, and character descriptions, and marketing materials, and blad diddy blah blah blah.  It’s getting the fuck done.

I’ll apply to random jobs with abandon.  I’ll send out so many, my cover letters will read, “Ya looked innerestin’.  Hows about some employment, you crazy kids?”

I’ll read books.  Those old dead tree things.  They’re supposed to make you a better person, right?  Well, I’m going to be flippin’ nut-balls better, okay?

Maybe I’ll even pick up the banjo that has been sitting so patiently at the end of my bed and learn of play at least one song on it, so at least when people see the banjo in my room, and ask, “Oh, you play banjo?”  I won’t have to say, well I kinda sorta do a thing, with a string, and it makes a…stray cats love me!  I want banjoy, not banjurispudence.  (I know that made no sense.)

I keep it next to the trash can so it lives in fear.

So there’s all that during the day, and I’ll give you guys updates on how I’m doing with those day by day.

But really what I need ya’ll for is shit to do at night.  Every day for the next nine days, I want to find the weirdest out-there thing I can do.  I’m heading out every night into dark wilderness of the five boroughs, and desperately trying to dig up some liquid radical.  I do have some ideas.  I spent the week coagulating a list of daily events.  (In Excel format, cause I’m that guy.)  But if you guys have any good ideas on what I could be hitting, throw me a line.  Tell me the place.  I want to find things in this little town I never would have overturned.  Send me to a gang fight!  Send me to a polar bear kegger in the Hudson!  Send me to Staten Island!  Bring it on!

Hell, if you guys have good ideas where I can go get some work done this week, I’ll take that.  I’ve got Grumpys and South 4th Cafe on tap, but I’ll take suggestions.

And here’s the thing.  I’m going to blog my update on how much shit I’ve got done, and what weirdness I walked into every day.  I’ll even tell you guys a day in advance where I’m headed the next day, so if you’d care to join in my quest for cool…come on down, you’re the next contestant on some Weird Bloggy Dudes week of not lying on his couch!  If you want to buy me a drink, even better.

The only rules I’d give you are that, I’d have to be able to get there by subway, and that cover has to be little to nil.

One of the things I will be taking watch over is how much I pay in cover.  My hope is to keep that number below thirty bucks for the week.

So what do you think?  Can we do it?  Can I knock out the better half of a novel?  Can I learn ‘Rainbow Connection?’ (If I do, be assured, there will be a youtube video.)  Can I go out every damn night for the next nine days?  You in?

I may not be going to the Bahamas.  I may not be going to Venice.  But really, I know that if I was away, I’d wish I’d stayed. Tomorrow’s a day of mine that you won’t be in…

Damnit.  I’m not…no…

Oh fuck it.  Belinda…Let’s do this shit.

Okay, so all the videos of the Go-Go’s have embedding turned off.  But, this is the Gay-Gays, so that does kind of kick off my week of funkiness.  And really, doesn’t everyone want a purple glowing outline?!

Let’s do this people!

Tomorrow: My plans for tomorrow are still yet to be set for the evening, but for the morning, should I survive the whee of finding myself on stay-cation hangover, I will be at Spoons, Toons, and Booze, at the Knitting Factory tomorrow at noon.  Here’s the site.

  1. […] up Facebook, or rather I reloaded my Facebook homepage and found a friend of mine had posted a link. He appears to be on staycation in NYC this week and needs ideas of things to do that are decidedly […]

  2. so…when did jack black become gay and purple??????!?!!!?

  3. Speaking of Buffy: (a) thanks for introducing me to it way back when; (b) check out Little Britain Season 1, Episode 1 (now on Hulu) for a funny sketch with Anthony Stewart Head as the prime minister.

    DC is surprisingly convenient by Chinatown bus. There will be a fun board games party next Saturday, and lots of other stuff to do around, plus it’s sunnier here, with pretty trees.

    Alternately, you could go blues dancing in NY next Friday night: here’s the Facebook link
    Here’s the normal website:

  4. […] (Wondering what all this StayCation business is about?  Read from the beginning.) […]

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